Newcastle United may soon be owned by non other than Osama Bin Laden. However, it is thought that the bearded menace will have to wait until he has international clearance before he can leave his secret hiding place, thought by many to be somewhere in Washington DC.
Osama expects to take over Toon once he has proven in court the he did not fly two American airliners in to the Twin Towers in New York. He is expected to appoint hook handed Abu Hamza as club chairman but the most interesting appointment would be that of George Bush as Executive Director. It is said that Bush would welcome a move in to sports as the oil business is becoming a bit sticky. The Bin Laden and Bush families have several on-going business interests together and see the purchase of Newcastle United as the ideal way forward.
Should this all become a reality, Osama plans to completely re-structure the club and also bring in Abu Qatada as fitness coach. Qatada's methods include activities such as white water rafting and rock climbing.
A senior player told me today "It's all very exciting....I spoke to the new fitness coach today and he sounds like the kind of coach we need. He said he will make us all 'believe' and that he only wants players who will die for the cause. I think next season we will be much better for it."
Newcastle fans needn't worry though.....since this is all a load of bollocks!
Just what will they come up with next?
Tabloid journalism at it's absolute worst!
Osama expects to take over Toon once he has proven in court the he did not fly two American airliners in to the Twin Towers in New York. He is expected to appoint hook handed Abu Hamza as club chairman but the most interesting appointment would be that of George Bush as Executive Director. It is said that Bush would welcome a move in to sports as the oil business is becoming a bit sticky. The Bin Laden and Bush families have several on-going business interests together and see the purchase of Newcastle United as the ideal way forward.
Should this all become a reality, Osama plans to completely re-structure the club and also bring in Abu Qatada as fitness coach. Qatada's methods include activities such as white water rafting and rock climbing.
A senior player told me today "It's all very exciting....I spoke to the new fitness coach today and he sounds like the kind of coach we need. He said he will make us all 'believe' and that he only wants players who will die for the cause. I think next season we will be much better for it."
Newcastle fans needn't worry though.....since this is all a load of bollocks!
Just what will they come up with next?
Tabloid journalism at it's absolute worst!