Why Newcastle United?
I’m a Geordie through and through. I was born smack bang in the centre of the city, so there was never any doubt as to who my team would be.
First memory?
I recall seeing Lee Clark and Peter Beardsley play when I was about six years old. Clark was there as the team grew under Kevin Keegan – and then left to join Sunderland! But he never stopped being a Geordie. While at the Mackems, he was pictured wearing a Newcastle fans’ T-shirt and never played for them again!
Funniest memory?
Laurent Robert had one of the most powerful left foots I’ve seen and, in a game against Leicester City, he accidentally smacked the ball into poor old Olivier Bernard’s face and knocked him out. Bernard’s legs turned to jelly!
Where do you sit at St James’ Park?
The Gallowgate End is where it’s at. You won’t experience another atmosphere like it in the Prem. Alan Shearer scored his 200th goal for us at that end and it went off. Oh, and it was never the “Sports Direct Arena”!
Favourite player?
Under Keegan, we had the likes of David Ginola, Faustino Asprilla and Les Ferdinand… It was a great side. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say Alan Shearer, even if he has become such a bore as a TV pundit! Of the current era, I’ve had a few tweets saying I look like Yohan Cabaye. I don’t see it!
Worst memory?
Relegation in 2009. Everyone was like, “What the f**k just happened?” It was a joke. We had so many decent players and it just went wrong. Luckily, most of them stayed and brought us back up the following year. Had they left the club, it could have been very different.
Strangest moment?
That scrap between Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer in 2005 was embarrassing, especially as they both got sent off. I’ve not seen anything like that in football. Bowyer was gritting his teeth like a madman and Dyer has hardly played since!
Best thing about being a Newcastle fan?
The passion. I challenge you to find more passionate fans; we were filling the ground in the Championship! We even have nutters who take their tops off in the winter, just to display the Newcastle tattoo on their belly. I might consider it next time!
Sh*ttest-ever player?
Patrick Kluivert. Everyone was buzzing when he signed and he did jack-sh*t. He was huge, too. I think he got fatter the more he played!
Fondest memory as a magpie?
Beating Manchester United 5-0 in the 1996-97 season. To do that to a side who pipped us to the title the previous term was incredible. I can say I was there when Philippe Albert chipped Peter Schmeichel. It’ll go down in history!
Player you’d swap your missus for?
Man United’s Paul Scholes
The brand new series of Geordie Shore starts on Tuesday 6 November, 10pm, only on MTV.