Take the pair of them out of that business environment and you have "Toot And Ploot" ... neither capable of facing the media.
Ashley buttons his lip and goes hiding under the bed, while Mort looks uncomfortable and waffles on about bollox ... because nine times out of ten he either doesn't know the answer ... or has been told NOT to give the answer.
Today we hear Joey Barton is set to get his P45, and probably about time too.
But put the Newcastle chairman on the spot and his PR fails him again.
Mort Once Again Talks Waffle!
Reports on Sunday claimed the Magpies are considering sacking Barton unless he takes a 50 per cent pay cut.
The former Manchester City man is currently serving a six-month prison sentence for assault and affray leading to calls for Newcastle to axe him.
Mort told the Sunday Mirror: "We are in discussions with his representatives about what is best for the club going forward.
"Obviously, we are not going to ignore the fact that he is currently in jail.
"It is too early to say whether Joey being sacked is a possible outcome but we are talking about what the future holds."
In other words ... "I'm not telling you!"
And before NUFC send us yet another email complaining about how negative we are (NU Mad) towards Mort and Ashley ... how about giving KK the dosh to make this great club of ours a force again?
Because THAT is what the fans are waiting for. We have the manager ... have we a board with any ambition?
EURO 2008 FIXTURES:
Sunday 8th June 2008
B 17:00 Austria v Croatia Vienna
B 19:45 Germany v Poland Klagenfurt
Monday 9th June 2008
C 17:00 Romania v France Zurich
C 19:45 Holland v Italy Berne
C 17:00 Romania v France Zurich
C 19:45 Holland v Italy Berne
Tuesday 10th June 2008
D 17:00 Spain v Russia Innsbruck
D 19:45 Greece v Sweden Salzburg
D 17:00 Spain v Russia Innsbruck
D 19:45 Greece v Sweden Salzburg
Wednesday 11th June 2008
A 17:00 Czech Republic v Portugal Geneva
A 19:45 Switzerland v Turkey Basel
A 17:00 Czech Republic v Portugal Geneva
A 19:45 Switzerland v Turkey Basel
Thursday 12th June 2008
B 17:00 Croatia v Germany
B 19:45 Austria v Poland Vienna
B 17:00 Croatia v Germany
B 19:45 Austria v Poland Vienna
Friday 13th June 2008
C 17:00 Italy v Romania Zurich
C 19:45 Holland v France Berne
C 17:00 Italy v Romania Zurich
C 19:45 Holland v France Berne
Saturday 14th June 2008
D 17:00 Sweden v Spain Innsbruck
D 19:45 Greece v Russia Salzburg
D 17:00 Sweden v Spain Innsbruck
D 19:45 Greece v Russia Salzburg
Sunday 15th June 2008
A 19:45 Turkey v Czech Republic Geneva
A 19:45 Switzerland v Portugal Basel
A 19:45 Turkey v Czech Republic Geneva
A 19:45 Switzerland v Portugal Basel
Monday 16th June 2008
B 19:45 Poland v Croatia
B 19:45 Austria v Germany Vienna
B 19:45 Poland v Croatia
B 19:45 Austria v Germany Vienna
Tuesday 17th June 2008
C 19:45 France v Italy Zurich
C 19:45 Holland v Romania Berne
C 19:45 France v Italy Zurich
C 19:45 Holland v Romania Berne
Wednesday 18th June 2008
D 19:45 Greece v Spain Salzburg
D 19:45 Russia v Sweden Innsbruck
D 19:45 Greece v Spain Salzburg
D 19:45 Russia v Sweden Innsbruck
Thursday 19th June 2008
QF 19:45 Winner Group A v Runner-up Gp B Basel
QF 19:45 Winner Group A v Runner-up Gp B Basel
Friday 20th June 2008
QF 19:45 Winner Group B v Runner-up Gp A Vienna
QF 19:45 Winner Group B v Runner-up Gp A Vienna
Saturday 21st June 2008
QF 19:45 Winner Gp C v Runner-up Gp D Basel
QF 19:45 Winner Gp C v Runner-up Gp D Basel
Sunday 22nd June 2008
QF 19:45 Winner Gp D v Runner-up Gp C Vienna
QF 19:45 Winner Gp D v Runner-up Gp C Vienna
Wednesday 25th June 2008
SF 19:45 Winner Q/F 1 v Winner Q/F 2 Basel
SF 19:45 Winner Q/F 1 v Winner Q/F 2 Basel
Thursday 26th June 2008
SF 19:45 Winner Q/F 3 v Winner Q/F 4 Vienna
SF 19:45 Winner Q/F 3 v Winner Q/F 4 Vienna
Sunday 29th June 2008
F 19:45 Winners SF1 v Winners SF2 Vienna
F 19:45 Winners SF1 v Winners SF2 Vienna