Pass me the sick bucket!
Managing director Lee Charnley said: "From my first meeting with Steve, I knew he was the perfect fit for Newcastle United.
"I am delighted that we have secured the services of one of the best coaches in English football.
"Steve has been tasked to secure a top-eight finish in the Premier League and he is also heavily incentivised to try to win a cup competition.
"We recognise supporters' strong desire to win a trophy, an ambition which the club now shares, as Mike Ashley made clear in his comments on the last day of the season. Steve is excited by this and he has our full support in trying to achieve this goal.
"Our immediate focus will be on working with Steve to assess and improve upon our playing squad, as well as appointing individuals to his backroom staff."
Former England boss McClaren: "I am privileged to be appointed head coach of Newcastle United FC. This is a big club with a wonderful heritage.
"St. James' Park is like a cathedral on a Saturday afternoon, a symbol for the city, and I am excited to be given this opportunity. I know how important Newcastle United is to the city and the region.
"The supporters are some of the most loyal, passionate and devoted in the world. Despite everything, they maintain their faith. We owe it to them to do everything we can to reward them with success.
"There's a lot of work to do but the club has made it clear about wanting success, and I would not have come here if I didn't believe they were serious. This club has waited far too long to win a trophy. That's one of my primary objectives here.
"I've already won trophies as a manager and a club the size of Newcastle United should be winning cups and finishing in the top eight in the Premier League.
"I'm determined to give the supporters of Newcastle United a team they can be proud of. The hard work starts now."